what can i say people, i’m a star wars fan. i love the movies… some better than others, mind you, but overall you could call me a diehard through and through. until now. with a cough, a choke, and a leetle’ *hhyurrrk* sound, i spat up a piece of my soul sunday night after watching the george lucas “i don’t know what else to make” film, “STAR WARS, THE CLONE WARS”

as my chunk of soul lay fwipping & writhing around on the floor, i was swamped with a mixed bag of emotions over what was once a really important and enlightening part of my childhood that had now been stripped to ribbons and left to…well… fwip and writhe around on the floor. i kinda want to punch george lucas in the face and scream, “why oh gads whyyyy?” star wars used to stand for imagination, fun, innocence, a real battle between good and evil and created some of the most iconic figures that are known worldwide! while they’re fun flicks in their own right, the much debated release of the 3 past films, (showing anakin/darth vader’s backstory and downfall) & forever bumping/branding the original trilogy as films 4, 5, 6… lucas has now taken his once fantastical franchise and flushed it down the drain officially with a voilent FWUSH with this weekend’s premiere of his animated crap fest.

i know it was billed as a kids film. i know it was supposed to tell the story between Attack of the Clones and the Revenge of the Sith film (movies 2&3 for any of you who care) i know that there was supposed to be the introduction of some new characters for people to fall in love with. but how can we when everyone knows what’s going to happen? (anakin goes all sithy & darthy, all jedi and padawan get creamed, ben kenobi exiles himself, count dooku loses his head in the 3rd movie, etc. etc. etc.) so why do people care? it created an empty feeling of distance and resounding ‘meh’ during the action sequences and jes’ made me pray for a swift end… let me just skip over the plot gaps and questions this one creates too, eh?

the dialogue? horrid. even offensive to me if you consider the supposed ‘respect’ a young jedi should have toward his/her master as the newly created “ashoka” character began to verbally spar and act ’spunky throughout’ the movie. don’t get me started on the snarky skywalker “skyguy” reference and artoo-deetoo (R2D2) being renamed “artooey” by this malevolent twit further making my skin crawl…

time to backstep now and discuss the animation: cool as shit. i have to say, that i didn’t mind this type of animation for the movie. while statuesque and even even rigid at times, the characters were fun to watch and the movement was still somehow fluid. close-ups of the clone soldiers helmets, fabrics on the jedi, count dookus face and beard and many other things were brilliant fun to see almost “canvas-painted” results that i believe worked in bringing anything star wars to an animated form.

so… will i watch another animated film in the theatres? no way in hell. are there supposedly 2 more coming? yesh. (shoot me now) what remains of the star wars galaxy that george lucas can further destroy? a lot.

so do i recommend this film? while it hurts my soul to put down a star wars film… dear gawd no.

i do, however recommend doing whatever you have to locate and buy these shirts, ‘cuz they’re still MADE OF THREADS CONCEIVED FROM PURE AWESOME. 

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